Multiplying Mormons Mount March Against Monogamy

A group of fundamentalist Mormons is launching a campaign to repeal laws against polygamy, notes a recent BBC article. While followers of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are traditionally identified as being practitioners of polyamorous marriage, it is in fact only a fringe element of the church which practices it, after it was outlawed by mainstream Mormons in 1890.

Cynics are quick to note the connection between multiple wives and the Mormon claim to be the fastest growing religion on the planet. Indeed, early followers of Joseph Smith cottoned on to that battle-tested Catholic mechanism of growth, childbirth, and improved upon it enormously. By utilizing multiple uteruses at once, a single family can rear multiple children and overcome what scienists call the ‘Monogamist’s Bottleneck’.

Or so it would seem. Since Mormons have been unable to shorten the fetal gestation period, and we must assume it’s not for wont of trying, there is no evident benefit to having multiple women impregnated by a single man, when multiple men would have performed that role just as admirably. Indeed, it is likely that polygamists cause their gene pool to be less varied than those of monogamists, making their families more susceptible to disesase, like little clone children. It’s a lesson aphids would be only too keen to impart.

Of course it’s possible that this sect’s practice of multiple mariage partners serves a religious purpose rather than a practical one. “You see, Jesus said follow me. He didn’t say follow me in all things except marriage,” explains polygamy enthusiast Anne Wilde. She contends that Jesus had three wives, a number several multiples of one higher than the traditional count of zero. Theologically speaking, however, Mrs. Wilde’s position succumbs to closer  scrutiny.

Are these polygamist Mormons claiming then that they are entitled to do whatever Jesus did? Would they like to heal the blind, walk on water, and be born of virgins? Because last I checked, virgin birth defeats the purpose of polygamous marraige. These are the attributes of the Messiah, not a shopping list of virtues followers can claim to have inherited. After all, as the Son of God, even if He had had three wives, who are we to question His monogamous laws? The omnipotence of the Lord requires that He is above the laws He established for mankind.

Furthermore, it is worrying that Utah law enforcement is not taking a more active stance against this radical element of the Mormon church. After all, no one is above the law. Polygamy is a crime in Utah, and yet

“It [has become] clear that Utah’s polygamous communities [will] be safe from the police as long as they [stick] to other laws and, for example, [do] not indulge in child marriages or paedophilia.”

So polygamous criminals won’t be arrested until they do something really bad. It is also unclear whether the parents’ misdeeds are making children criminals for aiding and abetting their orgiastic marriages. Through participating in their sinful familial life, the children of such marriages are tacitly condoning their culpable behavior. What kind of belief system would make a child responsible for such a heinous trespass?

If the law banning polygamy is repealed, it is unclear whether anti-discrimination laws will mean that women can marry multiple men as well. Unless that legislation is removed as well, then other ethically questionable religious groups, such as atheists, might capitalize on the moral bankruptcy too. If such an eventually does transpire, it will have been nothing more than a Mormon march for misogyny.

Related articles:

1. Fischer: First Amendment Does Not Apply To Mormons
2. No First Amendment Protections For Mormons? Romney Camp Bravely Offers No Comment
3. Following Fischer’s Logic, First Amendment Doesn’t Apply To Mormons Either
4. Jeffress: Jews, Mormons, Muslims And Gays Are Going To Hell
5. Cracking Crystal Cathedral’s Financial Troubles Mount

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