Crazed Iraqi Attempts to Infect GW Bush!

In a twist worthy of M. Knight Shyamalan, we learned that the Iraqi shoe-flinger had a far more sinister intent than a simple insult — infecting President G.W. Bush with a communicable disease!

That’s right, friends.

When 29-year-old Iraqi terrorist journalist Muntadar al-Zaidi lobbed his loafers at President G.W. Bush on December 14, he claimed he was carrying out a centuries-old Muslim expression of rage, the deepest insult in their (creative, albeit limited) lexicon — striking one’s opponent in the face with the sole of one’s shoe.

An unnamed source has informed us that this expression of derision was not al-Zaidi’s sole intent (ahem). His true purpose was revealed in a session of questioning in which al-Zaidi was described as “eventually quite cooperative”.

Yes, al-Zaidi wanted to infect President Bush with a communicable disease: Athlete’s tongue.

Also known in humans as foot-in-mouth disease, this debilitating fungal illness is the result of — you guessed it — sticking one’s foot in one’s own mouth. The symptoms? Regular expulsion of large volumes of hot air, and an unexpected increase in additional foot-mouth contacts.

In spite of his successful dodging of both infected shoes, Mr. Bush did test positive for athlete’s tongue. If we look at his recent speeches, it seems clear he has a chronic, advanced case . . . Some liberals speculate that he was initially infected while Governor of Texas!

We recently reported on one of his most extreme incidents, during which he rejected God’s Word as false! If this is not evidence of advanced (and potentially terminal) athlete’s tongue, we don’t know what is. If only he had gargled with Lamisil in the 1990s . . .

We’re glad that this terrorist acknowledged his intent, as this serves as a warning for all who might be the victim of flying Fluevogs or airborne Air Jordans. Sometimes a shoe is just a shoe, but sometimes it’s the bearer of deadly fungi!

Neal Boortz has shared with us a delightful game, where you can pretend you’re a COMPETENT Secret Service agent, and shoot the shoes away from the President. How high can you score?

Please try not to shoot President Bush. That would be less than patriotic.

Related articles:

1. Bozell: Bush Deserved To Kill Bin Laden More Than Obama, Therefore Deserves More Credit
2. If GW Bush was too smart and well-bred, Richard Land thinks Rick Perry is for you
3. GW Bush Abandons God – Economic Collapse Explained
4. Laura Bush comes out . . . as supporting gay marriage, abortion rights
5. Land: America Didn’t Realize How Good We Had It Under George W. Bush

Jenny Donati is webmistress and co-editor of Secular News Daily. Jenny is an outspoken secularist who believes firmly in the separation of church and state. She demands evidence to support arguments, and holds herself to the same standard. She doesn't write about herself in the third person . . . but there's a first time for everything.

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